GRACE BASED MARRIAGE

Grace in marriage God perfectly and consistently exemplifies grace because He is gracious by nature.

Here are the ways to tell if a relationship is not grace-based. Jesus is the measure. The relationship between Jesus and the church is the model of marriage. Do you become frustrated over little things your spouse does or says continuously? Are you trying to fix your spouse? Does your spouse accuse you of irritating and fault-finding? Do you expect your spouse to read your mind, decode your body language or meet all your needs?

If you answered yes to these questions, then you might be going through a difficult period in your marriage.

It’s possible that grace has been replaced by hurt, frustration, and resentment, or even grace was never there in that relationship. These hurtful feelings toward your spouse could have been slowly building so that your heart has shut down or is hardening. And yet there’s hope. Grace has a way of building the right relationships, the sure and only way. Only grace can build and sustain relationships. So how can we receive grace and allow it to overflow in our relationships?

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8 When your marriage is a mess grace is the only way to give it life. Grace is vital to our marriage, if only you knew how much God has provided for you in Christ Jesus if only you knew and practiced that knowledge, you would never search for faults in your spouse. We have to apply the knowledge of our justification in the marriage. Justified freely by grace.

Grace is the free and unmerited favor of God.

We see this best through the death of Jesus Christ given for our salvation so we can receive present and eternal blessings. Grace is exactly what I need from my husband, and exactly what he needs from me; a commitment to love him exactly where he is.

Grace is loving people and using things, Grace is not using people and loving things. For example, if you love your husband’s property more than him, you are loving the property and using him as a means to get the property. Instead, love your husband and use his property. Use things to serve the relationship Grace is what we receive when we have messed up, fallen down, made wrong choices, and sinned. And this grace we have received – we need to humbly extend to our homes, our spouses, and children when they mess up, fall down, and make wrong choices. Grace sees with renewed eyes and a new perspective.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 Grace is foreign in many marriages because wives and husbands have not experienced the grace of God. Once we have experienced this lavish grace, we have the strength to turn around and give it to others. Our spouses need grace. Oftentimes, we give grace to our children, friends, even strangers but we expect our husbands and wives to meet our expectations. The first step in extending grace is recognizing that you yourself cannot live without grace Grace does not focus on failed expectations and the shortcomings of our spouses.

Sometimes the expectations we place on our spouses are higher than they can attain. We can even want them to do the things that God alone can do like giving you peace. We have to take into account our spouses’ God-given personalities, the home they were raised in, and their current walk with God. Sometimes the very needs we want our spouses to meet they will never be able to meet them. Only God can meet them. Releasing our spouses from these expectations will bless not only them but you as well. Actually, grace doesn’t put expectations on anyone but rather empowers. Grace includes new desires and longings and a turning to God with our disappointments and trusting Him to meet our needs. Grace releases a husband from a wife who criticizes his shortcomings or whines about her failed needs and replaces her disappointment with the joy of the Lord.

Grace empowers us to forgive. ‘Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive Colossians 3;13 I don’t know what your husband/wife has done or said, but if you hold on to it and refuse to forgive, it will poison your thoughts, your mind, and your marriage. Every single marriage has hurts and heartache that must be left at the foot of the cross and exchanged for mercy and grace that only God can give.

This is supernatural! In our new nature, we have received forgiveness and also, we can forgive easily because we are giving what we have. Marriage is a place of two good forgivers. Dear saints, it’s important to understand that human minds do not subtract or divide, they only add and multiply. You won’t stop it from thinking about something but you can direct it into doing something. The more you focus on that thing, the more you benefit from it. For example, if you focus on your spouse’s mistakes you will end up asking for a divorce because the mind will keep adding all the mistakes and multiplying them. But if you focus on your spouses’ strength, you will move from happiness to happiness, from strength to strength. Grace puts on compassion and gentleness. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32 Grace trains us to be compassionate because this love of God has been poured into our hearts. Sometimes for wives, it’s easy to forget the ‘ burden’ that our husbands carry as the head of the family. God made our men with broad shoulders and they carry the weight of the family on those shoulders every day. But don’t be fooled by those broad shoulders – they carry insecurities as well.

Grace will give your husband the space to be open about those ‘burdens’ and give you the ability to speak into his life and build him up as he bears his burdens. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8 When your marriage is a mess…grace is the only way to see it through. Grace is vital to our marriage but how can we live it out in our homes? Grace actually positions us first and foremost to see each other as brothers and sisters. So, in marriage, each one gives and each one receives irrespective of the gender, just as Christ gives grace and receives our worship and we receive grace. Grace trains us to accept differences. Proverbs 12:4 A wife of Nobel character is her Husband’s crown but a disgraceful wife is like Decay in his burns. The first thing that you need to do to create a home filled with a grace mentality is to give room to be different.

Your husband is not your ‘girlfriend’, nor do you want him to be. You want him to be masculine and winsome and romantic. But a man is going to express himself differently than you, my dear sister in Christ. He is not a woman and, indeed, you are not a man. Grace trains us to appreciate and celebrate our differences without competition. Grace trains us to be vulnerable – In a grace-based home, both spouses need to be vulnerable with the other. That means taking off our masks, owning up to our hurts, and taking responsibility in areas we’ve been critical, harsh, or where we have been authoritarian instead of grace-based. Grace leaves no room for hypocrisy. It brings about authenticity.

If this isn’t present in the home, then we need to preach the word of grace more in the relationship. Once people believe right, they will live right. The grace of God is readily available for your marriage and your relationship. It is never too late for God. He can still turn things together with you to work out for your good. Your marriage or relationship matters to God. God is not a divorced person. He heals broken relationships; he mends broken hearts and wipes away tears.

Recommendation “The word is saving Marriage by CHIBUZO FIDELIS IFEANYI https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07Q3SBCTV/ref=cm-sw-r-wa-awdo-1QF4ZW2S1PDPWKFE0WE1

By Maria Assumpta Komugabe B